Veins

Ha! Veins. Yes veins. Lately I have had a couple of glimpses of some stellar veins . Yes. Big blue veins. How ridiculous that this can stir up the excitement of using. I try not to stare, and I push the thoughts out of my head, but today I found myself looking for some viable veins on my own arms. Excitement of using? Is that what I just said?

Today I drove by the ravine that a year and some ago I was at the bottom of, under a log, in a puddle, shooting up. This memory makes me feel sick. I was running from people who weren't there, police that were not chasing me , I just wanted to fix and not "be seen". I was always scared my drug would be taken away. It was intense fear that sent me tumbling through the thick brush to the bottom of that ravine. Yes there was someone in the forest, but it was not the five-0, it was a raccoon and later some deer.

Moments like the above are all I need to think back on when I think I am excited about veins. There is still a slimey sneaky person in my head who my friend likes to call "Dumbfuck".( or df for short) If I can counter df with some yucky memories each time df gets the urge to glamorize using, all will be well.