Relapse Mode?

Whilst in a certain recently attended treatment centre, and through certain meetings people who are chemically challenged attend, the signs of an impending relapse have been drilled into my brain. These signs consist of complacency, not practising sprituality, not attending meetings, isolation, not having a sponsor, I could go on but I won't. The point is that I am guilty of all of the above. It is no small wonder that thoughts of using are becoming more frequent. Self pity and fear have snuck in as well. Scary angry woman? Can' t pin it all on PMS!
I guess I have noticed this going on and I know I have to do something about it, but my attempts to make an effort are feeble. I' ll attend a meeting and feel like shit because I become aware of all the things that I am NOT doing, and I won't attend for another week or two or three. I will do some reading and some meditation, and forget the next day and the next. Or my emotions will get the better of me and I will conveniently forget that I have a God and just swim around in my fear and my anger and my sense of hopelessness. Sometimes I think its easy to not use my drug of choice, but if I really think about it, I am one bad choice away from the depths of a living hell.
I should think that my gratitude for a clean life today would prompt me to pull out all the stops to stay clean. I do believe that it is a miracle that I am here today. I can not let myself forget that.